Here on this web, we often talk about how things should be done, but definitely we also need to run through the failures and mistakes guys often do, when approaching women. Maybe you are even going to be able to recognize yourself there.
The fact is, guys fail often, guys fail very often and there is nothing bad about it, if a guy learns by his mistakes and corrects the approach according to it next time.
Problem may occur, when the guy actually does not know, whether he made a mistake or not, so there is a little list which will reveal some of the mistakes done and also behavior models, which could be implemented instead.
- Looking away, when talking with a girl – Guys often have problems maintaining direct eye contact and look around the girl in better case or into the floor at worse. The strong and confident eye contact is required as it tells a lot about the person.
- Trying too hard – Trying too hard in any important phase in pickup. This is also amateur mistake in other areas of life, people are getting tense and nervous instead of loosen up a little and rather try to achieve the state of flow. Solution is simple here: Don’t be pushy, let her finish sentences and give her enough space. Also if the girl says “no” to you a few times, she usually really means it and you have to respect that.
- Being too much emotionally engaged – Guys are often very emotional engaged in the girl pick up and therefore they can really think clearly, get angry if things don’t turn the way they wanted or get sad and depressed, in case they got rejected. Also the possibility of trying to get another women will be lost, because the guy probably won’t be in positive state enough to attract a girl (because they can feel negative energy miles away) and the guy himself won’t probably be in mood to try another girl. Solution for this would be realizing that actual outcome of this pick up attempt doesn’t really matter and won’t affect the guy in any negative way (in fact, by each attempt the guy gains valuable experience and therefore it is a positive action, regardless the outcome) and the guy will be immediately ready for another challenge, in case of rejection. Plus he probably won’t be rejected that quickly, because such person radiates much more emotional stability than the first guy mentioned.
- Overthinking stuff – Sometimes guys think too much and are unsure of next correct step, this problem often appears by the people, who think too much and are perfectionists, and because they set the goals so high, they often fail to deliver. It is important to realize, this is not a rocket science, it works completely different – the conversation can happen in few seconds or minutes and it is close to impossible to calculate all the outcomes and reactions of the girl. What is a better advice – definitely train spontaneous reactions and try creating stuff in the moment instead of preparing it before the actual approach. Learn to improvise, that is very valuable skill for life in general.
- Trying to appear, what the guy is not – I would even adjust this sentence a bit – A guy tries the behavior models he hasn’t mastered yet. We can imagine a sports player, who tries to play topspin in any racket sport match, if he didn’t ever train it before, it just won’t work, even if there will be little topspin on the ball, the swing will appear unnatural or weird, and it probably won’t be effective as well. The same with the role, the guy will try to play, it has to be mastered to a level, when it appears natural and it is incorporated as a part of the whole picture. This blog is basically all about learning and self-development, so we can’t give you the advice to stay as you are, that’s against our philosophy, but still you have to master every change into such level that it with works for you without thinking about it much.
- Thinks that the battle is won and he doesn’t have to fight – That also happens pretty often, some guys likes to think, that they won the battle before they even started, that is completely false of course. While having confidence in own abilities is a plus, being overconfident is a clear minus. The girl doesn’t know, how awesome guy you are, and you have to open yourself a bit to let her know.
- Talking in a way the girl can’t understand – It can be mumbling, stuttering or talking too fast or being too quite – Or all problems that worsen the understanding. Such problems can also indicate some for pickup negative character traits. Like being too shy or presenting lower value. The solution here is easy again, try to focus particularly on your problem and try to get rid of that.
- Hesitating too much – While it is important not to present too much affection and desire for a girl you don’t even know, it is also advisable to avoid hesitation, because that way other guy will be quicker and will use the opportunity. Also when a guy hesitates too much, he can appear as having low self-esteem. Remember, your time is precious and by acting boldly and decisively, you are presenting that to a girl.
- Forgetting the information a girl gave you – It happens to all of us, sometimes we can overhear a name, sometimes we forget. It is perfectly OK to ask her immediately, whether she can repeat her name. But it is not good if you’re forgetting information she gave you regularly. Girls like guys, who can keep the information in their head, plus it shows lack of respect for the girl, if you immediately forget, what she said. She could think you don’t care about her at all. So another time when interesting girl speaks, try to focus and associate the information she gives you with pictures/objects/other people, so you will recall correctly when needed.
- Being too much focused on her, when she is with her friends – Guys also make the mistake of being too focused on the girl they like, when talking to her in the group with other people. Girls are socially very aware and you have to play by the rules there. You should try to communicate with her friends on the same level and try to take her away only after her friends approved yourself (verbally or nonverbally) to the girl.
Conclusion
You learned what the deadly mistakes guys do during pick up are. There are definitely more of the mistakes, but those mentioned are often killers of the whole approach, so be aware of them and try to eliminate or better replace them with some other behavioral model.
